Have I Failed My Children? Part IV

I learned something I hadn't noticed before when studying the life of Jacob. It isn't something that was written, but it was something that was missing. In Genesis 27:46 we read Rebekah's (Jacob's mother) last recorded words. We read nothing about her again until she is mentioned briefly in Genesis 49:18 noting her burial in the cave of Machpelah along with the patriarch Abraham, Sarah, his wife, Isaac and Leah.

So what's my point? Rebekah's last recorded words cunningly persuaded Isaac to send her favored son, Jacob away so he wouldn't marry a pagan wife. In reality, Rebekah wanted him sent to her brother Laban in order to save his life from Esau's vengeance. Before Jacob leaves home, Rebekah makes a promise to him that she can't keep. She promises to send word to him when it is safe to return. That never happens. Commentators believe Rebekah never laid eyes on her son Jacob again. All we know according to Genesis 35: 27-29 is that Jacob eventually came home to Hebron, and he and Esau buried Issac. It's assumed that Rebekah died previously, although nothing is recorded about her actual death.

When I realized that she never laid eyes on her son Jacob again, I felt sad for her. She tried for so many years to maneuver Jacob into the position she believed was rightfully his, only to die before there was any resolve. She never saw her boys reconcile. She never saw Jacob marry and she never saw her grandchildren. How did all this happen when things appeared to look so promising? Hadn't God promised before the twins were ever born that the "elder would serve the younger?" Where had Rebekah gone wrong? Wasn't she simply trying to "make sure" that what God promised would actually occur?

I don't know if you can relate to Rebekah or not, but I sure can! Did you notice in reading about Rebekah there wasn't a time that she inquired of the LORD? She never asked God what, if anything, she should do. She just decided to take matters into her own hands and used her ingenuity to try to work things out. I don't think Rebekah was intentionally trying to ignore God and His plan. I just think she was used to trying to orchestrate circumstances for a favorable outcome. Can you relate?

I remember when our oldest daughter, Heather turned 15. I contacted the Young Continentals, a touring Christian singing group. I was sure this would be a perfect fit for my teenage daughter. You need to know the back story, however, in order for this to make sense. 

Years earlier, when I found out I was pregnant, I prayed something very specific for the child in my womb. In those days, we didn't have the technology to find out the gender beforehand, so I just prayed that this child would be given a "beautiful voice to praise God with." I absolutely love worship, but I am NOT a singer. I wanted this child to have what I didn't--a voice that could beautifully offer praises to the One who rescued me and given me new life and purpose.

I still remember the day I found out that my prayer had been answered in part. Heather's junior high choir teacher told me that Heather had a beautiful voice with a four octave range! I really didn't have any idea how good her voice was until that moment. I silently praised and thanked God for gifting her with such a voice. Then, I went to work! I was sure if I got her connected to this Christian touring group this was the sure answer to solidifying her faith and commitment. Just like Rebekah, I took matters into my own hands. Certainly God would use this opportunity to surround Heather with other Christian young people who loved God and the 6 week trip across the U.S. would be the other half of the answered prayer!

I won't go into the detail, but I will tell you that Heather called us once in that 6 week period to tell us she was having a fabulous time, that she loved "this" type of life, and that she didn't need parents! She ended up coming home at the end of that summer, more independent and determined to do her life her own way!

It has been over 17 years since that trip and I am still praying and waiting. I've learned a lot about waiting on God in these years. Most importantly, I've learned to trust Him to bring about His purposes in His time. And like Rebekah, I've learned the hard way that He doesn't need my help.

If you're a younger mom reading this, let me spare you some heartache. Learn early to fully entrust your children to God. Resist the urge to "help" God out when they are teens by orchestrating their friends, activities, or choices. Give them guidance and communicate openly with them, but let them fail, make bad decisions and don't try to circumvent the consequences. Let reality and grace be your partners, and allow God to do His work His way. And, you can pray the verse I've been praying over Heather all these years!

Have I Failed My Children? Part III

I told you in my last post to stay tuned for what God spoke to my heart concerning my sins, mistakes, and failures as a mother. Before I share these words, take a moment to check in with your own heart. Do you often feel like a failure as a mom? Do you rehearse the mistakes over and over repeatedly asking God to forgive you? Do you wish you could turn back the hands of time so you might have a "do-over"? Are you wondering if God is able to override the damage you have done? Here's what the Spirit of God spoke to my heart concerning similar questions:

"Oh child, I know how your heart aches. I am so acquainted with the ache of longing for my children to live in freedom instead of bondage. Jan, can you trust Me? Have I shown Myself worthy of your trust? Lay down all your regrets-all the ways in which you rehearse your inadequacies, mistakes and sinfulness as it concerns your children. Place them all at the foot of My Cross-for I died for it all. Receive My forgiveness and entrust it all into My capable hands for I AM the great I AM. I AM the only One who can redeem all sin and use it for My purposes...No more talk or dwelling upon past sins--look only to the horizon and the future of what I will do for My glory. Rejoice that all your sin has been atoned for and nothing can thwart My purposes."

You might need to read this over several times, as I have done over the last several days, to allow it to sink deeply into your heart. I thought a lot about Rebekah, Jacob and Esau's mother. She must have wondered the very same things, especially as the story of her family continued.

If you're following along the Biblical story, read Genesis 27. In it is the next part of the story between Jacob and Esau and their parents. The favoritism mentioned in Genesis 25 is fully displayed as Isaac invites his favored son, Esau to hunt for game in order to satisfy his cravings and then he promises to "bless" him. When you read this, it seems straightforward, unless you know the back story. Commentators agree that Isaac deliberately ignores God's prophetic words, "the elder shall serve the younger" by promising blessing to Esau. And then there's Rebekah. An overly involved Jewish mama who enlists Jacob into deceiving Isaac. She assists in the ruse by preparing savory food, helping Jacob disguise himself as Esau, and Jacob boldly lies to his father about his true identity in order to receive his father's blessing. It's a story fraught with trickery, deception, favoritism, and family dysfunction that could have been scripted in any contemporary TV series!

Where does it lead? You'll have to wait for my next post to find out! In the mean time, I wonder if you can identify with Jacob's family? Maybe you grew up in a family that was plagued by similar sins of deceit, betrayal, and abuse. You may have spent your entire life feeling as though you were not your parents' favorite--and that pain lingers on. Or maybe you were favored by one parent and you still carry the "burden" of having to live up to expectations that are too high.

Or maybe you decided to "break the cycle" in your current family, only to later discover that you replicated some of the very same patterns you desperately tried to eradicate. I understand.

Take heart. God understands more than you know. Take a moment and re-read my journal entry above and spend some time talking with the LORD about your own situation.

Have I Failed My Children? Part II

If you're just joining me in this post, you might want to go to the following link to read what has led up to this current post: http://www.janfrank.org/blog/2015/3/29/have-i-failed-my-children

I have been journaling my prayers since 1989. I have about 66 journals in my office, full of prayers, praises, and petitions. I'm not one to journal every day, but I do try most days to take time to read my devotional, Jesus Calling and pray. My prayers lately have seemed to focus on my family, particularly my adult children. If you were to go through the pages of my previous journals, you would find similar themes contained in my current journal. But, there seems to be an urgency, an intensity that pervades my intercession these days, in a way I can't fully explain.

I was lamenting to the LORD about how long I've prayed for certain requests for my children and how weary I am of praying. Here's a sampling:

"I'm weary of waiting, Lord--is that okay for me to say to You? I have prayed and fasted and cried so many tears. I have claimed verses and requested prayer for years. I have believed You and testified to Your goodness and I have had a thankful heart knowing it will come to pass in Your time...Jesus, my heart just aches because I know I am so responsible for how my children relate. Oh, Jesus I'm so sorry--oh how I wish I'd been more healed while raising them. Oh Jesus, redeem my mistakes, pull them out of the brokenness I caused and let them live their purpose in You."

I told you in my last post how these thoughts have wooed me into a study of the life of Jacob. I have to tell you that as I've studied, more questions than answers have emerged. If some of you have taken the time to read Genesis 25:19-34, you know that from the very beginning, before these twins, Esau and Jacob were even born, their personalities and destinies were set. They were at odds with one another in their mother's womb and it continued through their adulthood. You also learned that God had a plan. He spoke to Rebekah, the twins' mother before their birth about the boys' future saying the the "elder [Esau] would serve the younger [Jacob]." Last time I shared that Jacob's name means "deceiver."

What I didn't note last time is something very important that we read in verses 27-28:

The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was a quiet man, staying among the tents. Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

Favoritism. We will see in future posts how it breeds an unhealthy family dynamic that leads to a lifetime of heartache. We will also see, however, how God's Sovereignty is at work even within and through the mistakes, character flaws, favoritism, and deception. Maybe there's hope after all. Maybe God can supercede all our human frailties to accomplish His purposes. Maybe our mistakes, sins, and failures as parents don't have the final word. Maybe, just maybe, God is still at work.

Where are you today? Are you sharing in my laments? Do you struggle to understand how God is at work? Is there a prayer you've been praying for awhile and seem to see no answer in sight? Maybe I'm not alone. Maybe God is at work in your heart, just like He is in mine.

Don't miss my next post when I share with you what God spoke to my heart about my mistakes, sins, and failures--maybe it's a message for you too!