Take a Time-Out

I was just channel surfing on my television and happened to catch a short segment of Supernanny. I loved watching it a few years ago when it was more popular than it is today. If you've never seen it, Jo Frost, is a Brit with a lovely accent and offers practical tools to parents whose children are unruly or totally out of control. Jo goes into a home with a camera crew and observes the family's interaction, then returns to discuss with the parents what she sees and what is needed to correct and improve their behavior and relationship as a family.

One of the "tools" Jo often introduces is the "naughty step." Here is what Jo recommends:

When your child misbehaves or breaks one of the House Rules explain what she’s done wrong, tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable, and warn her that if she behaves in the same way again, she’ll be put on the Naughty Step. Make sure your voice remains calm, not angry, and use a low, authoritative tone.

If she misbehaves again, immediately put her on the Naughty Step. Explain clearly why she is there and how long she must stay there (one minute per year of her age).

I have to tell you something. I wish I had known about this technique when my children were young. NOT SO MUCH FOR MY CHILDREN, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, FOR MYSELF!

As I look back on my early parenting, I didn't utilize the TIME-OUT technique for me as a mother of two pre-schoolers. I needed to employ the technique in two distinct ways:

1.) A Time-out for calming my frustration and outbursts.

2.) A Time-out to rest and enjoy some solitude.

Although, I would employ these "time-outs" sporadically, I didn't utilize them as much as I wish I had. There were times I needed to give myself permission to pull myself away to gain my equilibrium and calm my frustrations. I came from a family of "over-reactors" and unfortunately, I followed suit. I didn't really have an older woman in my life who could give me reassurance or offer some practical tips. I just remember feeling alone and having to figure it out on my own. Even though I read a lot of books on parenting, I didn't know how to self-regulate or how to give myself grace when I blew it.

I also needed a time-out to be quiet and learn to rest. I know that may seem impossible when you have a baby and a pre-schooler running around, but I think it is something internal that I needed to cultivate. It is a rest that only comes as we learn to find our refuge in God. It's what Jesus invites us to do in Matthew 11:28:

Do you need a Time-out? Make it a priority and both you and your children will be blessed!

Develop a Routine

My mom liked a clean house. I learned very early how to clean a bathroom and keep my room tidy as a youngster. My mom lived in a mobile home for several years and even though she was up in years, her floors were scrubbed and everything was in its place. After she passed away in 2012 I took my camera to her modest mobile home to take pictures. It's going to sound a little crazy, but one of my favorite things in my mom's house, besides her neatly folded lingerie drawer, was a deep drawer in her kitchen. Inside was every size baggie imaginable. Each box containing the different baggie sizes was packed tightly together like a puzzle whose designer configured it with beauty and perfection. That was my mom! 

As fastidious as my mom was, I wasn't aware of a cleaning schedule or a daily routine. I know my mom must have had one in her mind, but all I remember as a teenager was our traditional household cleaning from top to bottom in preparation for dinner guests. In those days, there was an Ajax commercial on television that promoted their product as "the White Tornado." The "tornado" ripped through the house and made everything in its path sparkling clean. That is how I learned to clean house-starting from one end of the house to the other, thoroughly cleaning every room, from top to bottom.

Once I got married, I continued the "white tornado" approach to cleaning. After having children, I soon discovered that this approach was exhausting. In fact, whenever we entertained guests, I was so fatigued by the time they arrived I could barely enjoy the evening. It was about that time that I was reacquainted with Emilie Barnes and her book More Hours in My Day. Emilie taught seminars on how to approach household cleaning in an orderly routine. She recommended using a card file box similar to a recipe box and having dividers which designated daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly duties. I took her seminar and even ended up becoming one of her instructors in the early 80's. It was through her training, encouragement, and love that I got my life back. I was no longer overwhelmed but had a routine for keeping up my house that allowed for more freedom, not less. Emilie also provided examples of ways to incorporate the assistance of your children while making it fun and productive. 

If you feel overwhelmed by taking care of your children, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and trying to keep your household chores up, I'd encourage you to check out Emilie's system. It really made a huge difference in my life as a young wife and mother. Develop a routine--it will surprise you, and your family will thank you for it!

Play More...Work Less

My granddaughter Averie just turned one in August. My daughter and her husband took her to Target on her birthday and let her pick out a toy. She came home with a colorful plastic picnic basket equipped with a small tablecloth, plates, geometric shaped food items, cups and two big red forks. At first, she learned how to open the basket and remove all its contents as the "basket" repetitively echoed "open...close"..."open...close"..."open...close." After a day or two of getting acquainted with her new toy she was ready for advancement.

I said, "Averie let's have a picnic together!" We sat down and Nana laid out the 6 inch square checkered tablecloth on the family room floor along with the plates, cups and forks. My delectable food items included a square cheese sandwich, a triangle piece of watermelon, and a round cookie. Averie had before her a square cracker topped with cheese, a triangle slice of berry pie, and a round slice of an orange. 

I picked up my plastic watermelon, held it up to my mouth pretending to chew and said, "Mmm this watermelon is so good--it tastes so yummy!"

At first, Averie just looked at me curiously as if to say, "Nana, what are you doing?" I repeated my "taste testing" with all my other food items accentuating how delicious everything was. Then, I offered my plastic watermelon to Averie and she held it up to her mouth and mimicked "Mmm" and handed it back to me.

Averie and I had our first pretend picnic! Later that day, my husband Don commented how fun it is to watch the two of us play together. I immediately flashed back to times with my own daughters sitting on our living room floor with Barbies, clothes, accessories, and all manner of pink Barbie paraphernalia strewn about. It is something my girls remember to this day. My regret is that I didn't do it often enough.

If you're a younger mom, allow me to encourage you:

play more...work less

Yes, I know there are so many tasks to complete around the house. There's the laundry, mopping the floor, cleaning up the kitchen, going to the grocery store, planning and preparing dinner, errands to run, and cleaning yourself up so you look decent when your husband arrives home. I too, put a lot of pressure on myself to "get things done."

Now that my girls are grown, I have to say, I wish I'd spent less time with housework and more time playing pretend. The reality of life hits home sooner than we think.

Take some time today and play!