In my last post I highlighted three don'ts for in-laws: Don't RESCUE; Don't CONTROL; and Don't COMPETE.
Now, we're going to look at three do's for in-laws:
Engage with your adult child in an
Adult-to-Adult Relationship
which means giving them mutual respect and consideration. You give them the same courtesies, boundary respectfulness, and conciliatory attitude that you would give to a co-worker, close friend, or neighbor.
Always use
Direct Communication
speaking straightforwardly to your adult children avoiding hinting, sarcasm, or relaying messages through another family member. Do not try to "read minds" or expect that from your adult children.
When in doubt
Ask for Feedback
especially when it comes to your relationship. If you're not sure if you're over-staying your welcome or over-stepping boundaries when it comes to your grandchildren, just ask. But, make sure you're ready to graciously accept the feedback- and abide by it.
These three simple "do's" can initiate a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship with your adult children and will pave the way for future generations.
If you want more information on how to have healthy conversations with others, you might want to check out Boundaries Face to Face by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. In Part II of their book they discuss the "Essentials of a Good Conversation."
